HAUNTER'S VIDEO GAME-RELATED CORNER OF FUNTIMES
To be honest, I always thought Ganon/Ganondorf was a crap villain.
I mean, a true villain needs to be AT LEAST 50% as awesome as the protagonist. And... Well...
NES Link: Excuuuuuse me Princess, but I gotta go kill Ganon! Bomb some Dodongos!
Ganon: Raaaaawr I'm Evil.
NES Link: ... The Lord of all Darkness is a giant blue pig? Bogus.
Ganondorf was an obvious improvement. But still.
N64 Navi: Look out! It's Ganondorf, the evil king!
Ganondorf: You cannot defeat me now Link. I'm dramatic and evil, and you can take me seriously for once.
N64 Navi: Hey! Ganondorf is ginger! Use the
Mirror Shield on that beam of sunlight!
Ganondorf: It burns! Nooooooooooooo...
N64 Navi: Hello? You slewest Ganondorf! Neat.
Ganondorf: Foolish fool, I am not slewest! I mean, slain -
BEHOLD MY TRUE POWER, THE POWER TO BECOME...N64 Navi: ... A giant blue pig?
Ganon: The power to become a giant blue pig with two mother f*cking swords! Raaaaawr I'm Evil!
I mean, don't get me wrong - It's nice to fight him
occasionally.
Just... Not ten games in a row.
~_~
Anyhow, my opinion on... Erm...
*Checks*
Ghi... Ghira... Ghirahim.
Fudge it, I'll just call him
Gay Emo Man, because it practically encapsulates his entire character, and everything wrong with him.
I mean, the first clip - Literally the FIRST clip - That I ever saw of him, was of him pressing himself UNCOMFORTABLY close to Link's back, to the point where he's practically breathing into Link's pointy elf ears, before flicking out a long tongue and wiggling it in the air.
... And of course, he dresses like an albino emo.
An albemo.
That is what I'll call him.
Albemo.
Gay Gay Albemo.
Anyhow, compared to him, Zant actually seems to not be a total disappoi-
Zant: Twas brillig and and lemonade did frubblub and jiggle in the milky way! All Misty was a Pokémon, Vincent Price his deluxe motorcar! Vroom I say, vroom to you all! Wigglie-Wagglie-Woo!
... Well anyway, it's not as if there AREN'T any good Zelda villains.
I mean, Majora was... Weird...
But then there was Onox and Veran, General of Chaos and Sorceress of Shadows respectively, who were both totally awesome villains despite being restricted to Gameboy, and the Nightmare you fought at the end of Link's Awakening (A culmination of Link's greatest fears, or rather, several of the older bosses from previous games, Ganon included) was kind of a badass idea, even though it wouldn't really work in any other game (Link's Awakening was a league of its own, man).
And then of course, we have Vaati - Who, despite his lame debut in Four Swords, totally kicked major ass in the Four Swords prequel, Minish Cap. In that game, he wasn't only an all-powerful sorceror of the winds, but he was also a master swordsman, a traitor to his kind corrupted by power, and one of the only video game villains to ever make me feel legitimately guilty about getting a game over (At one point near the end, you have to reach him in a certain time limit by fighting through hordes of enemies - And if the time limit passes, he drains Zelda's soul and kills her. Yep, no sitting around waiting for Link - He just does it. Jerk. The sad music you get at the Game Over screen didn't help).
Finally, he's able to look badass in TOON style.
If he got to console - DUDE.
... But then again, as Timewarp rightly points out, recent Zelda games have lost a little of the 'oomph'.
Twilight Princess, whilst looking the part, kinda felt a little incomplete in places - Sort of like, you were playing a video game, you weren't immersed in a fantasy adventure, like in Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, or even the Gameboy games.
Basically, if I had to choose, I'd cast Vaati as the main villain, make him do some actual EVIL stuff (People gonna be dead, foo!), and make it visually just like Twilight Princess.
Because that's the most annoying thing about Skyward Sword - It's cell-shaded, meaning that the developers just felt like slacking off when it came to texturing.
... Seriously, that's the real reason why people toonify things.
It's easier than making it realistic.
And really, when you're working on one of the greatest video game franchises of all time, shouldn't you try your best to make it the best you can possibly make it?
This has been another
annoying fun rant review from Haunter 360 regarding a future game.
Come back next week when I
whine about bring forth my honest opinions regarding obesity, in an article titled:
'Let the fatties eat and die alone - THEY DESERVE IT'
