Swain Questionnaire

[Haunter 360]

Hi people, here's a small questionnaire!
This one's a slightly different one though, as I've designed it to resemble one of the many applications that M.D.P.S. uses for recruitment.
So, are YOU M.D.P.S. material? You got the right mentality to keep the world safe from supernatural horrors from this realm and beyond? You got what it takes to earn a high salary through a morally-ambiguous occupation?
Can you keep a secret?
Let's find out!
... Or not, if you find these questions too personal.
I dunno, either way, it showcases some of what the employees had to go through to reach a position where quantunauts can kill them off-handedly.




Swain Questionnaire – Sheet A
Questions designed by Dr. A. Swain, PhD

1. Select your preference.
A. Red
B. Blue

2. Which animal is more intelligent?
A. Dogs
B. Cats

3. Select your preference.
A. Tyranny
B. Anarchy

4. Which of the following is the greater evil?
A. Murder
B. Rape

5. Select your preference.
A. Kill a loved one to save a building full of strangers
B. Kill a building full of strangers to save loved one

6. Can crimes be forgiven?
A. Yes
B. No

7. Select your preference.
A. Books
B. Music

8. You are the last human on earth – What will you do?
A. Live
B. Die

9. Select your preference.
A. When you die, you cease to exist, but the world lingers
B. When you die, you linger, but the world ceases to exist

10. Were you to die within the next 5 seconds, how would you feel?
A. Dismayed
B. Relieved



Available Occupations
Archivist
Field Operative
Office Worker
Office Security Personnel
Researcher
Special Operative
Janitor

[Timewarp]

1. Blue
2. Dogs
3. Tyranny
4. Rape
5. That depends on the people
6. No
7. Books
8. Live
9. I cease to exist
10. Dismayed

[Haunter 360]

Jul 4, 2014 16:31:02 GMT -5 Timewarp said:

1. B
2. A
3. A
4. B
5. [PASS]
6. B
7. A
8. A
9. A
10. A

Welp, I'm not qualified to perform a full psychological evaluation, buuuut since I'm the creator of this thing, I should probably answer.

I'll say, taking information from this questionnaire alone, that your ideal position would be either Archivist or Office Security Personnel, depending on your qualifications. Archivist would be a trickier one to get into and kind of eats away your social life, but it pays better. Office security personnel has much better hours, and a much more relaxed atmosphere, but you're expendable as the next redshirt. I'd say you'd be more in the intelligence side of security, the more humane part which takes the time to maintain security measures without shouting and beating up everyone. Both jobs get you your own office though, so that's nice.

Naturally, more questionnaires would be needed to narrow your perfect choice down, buuut those are your most likely bets for now.

[FlameMaster5]

I'll see. :3


1. A
2. A
3. B
4. A
5. B
6. B
7. B
8. A
9. A
10. A

Given that I could only choose these choices.

[Haunter 360]

Jul 4, 2014 18:10:41 GMT -5 FlameMaster5 said:

I'll see. :3


1. A
2. A
3. B
4. A
5. B
6. B
7. B
8. A
9. A
10. A

Alright, tallying up the info... Hm hm hm...

Done!
Welp, your best option would be Office Security Personnel (Unlike Timewarp though, who would be better suited for monitoring and managing security on a daily basis, you'd work better as the standard 'take that sucker out' type), although if you did your homework beforehand, you could maybe make it as Researcher. You'd probably mostly be working with non-sentient organisms or items that lack ectoplasmic residue.


And yes, the answers are restrictive.
They're meant to be, an urgent situation will rarely have the option you want.

[Timewarp]

What if I invented a new option? What if in the world of DM/RS I'm batman and I save the building full of people and my loved one and then I kick Joker out of a building and I'm all "It ends here Joker!" and he's all "Nope" and tries to shoot me in the face but then I shield myself with my cape and then punch Joker and knock him out.

What if that thing I just said?

[Haunter 360]

Then the question would still count as [PASS], and you'd be lucky to get a job as Janitor.
Doctor Swain takes questionnaires very seriously.
Like, way too seriously.

Which is an unfortunate source of conflict with the necromancy departments, since most of the necromancers hate questionnaires with a passion, and tend to fill it in with intentionally ludicrous answers. One answered Question 5 with 'I resurrect them all into undead minions and have a tea party'. Swain pushed to have the guilty party demoted, but Wormwood got involved, so the matter got dropped.

[Timewarp]

I don't need to work for M.D.P.S I'm Batman and I'm secretly working as a Janitor to infiltrate the M.D.P.S so I can Batman punch the leader in the face.

[FlameMaster5]

Not bad options for moi.
I think I'd be good at those both, like in real life. XD

I need a job. XD

[Haunter 360]

As do we all - I mean, I just wrote a questionnaire.
Seriously, what even?


Still though, yeah, I could see you peeps getting these jobs actually, which means I'm either unintentionally influencing the questionnaire sub-consciously, or these are some dang good questions. Although if I were you FM5, I'd be careful if you go for the whole Researcher gig. It's one of those jobs which often gives people more power than they're ready for.

As far as you're concerned Timewarp, I'd just go for one of the two jobs you've got there - Chicks are crazy for Archivists and Security Maintenance Officers. Batman's awesome, but he never gets the girl. At least, not without her dying or turning out to be evil.



In other news, here's Tymki's scores:

TYMKI
1. B
2. B
3. B
4. A
5. A
6. A
7. B
8. A
9. A
10. A

Due to certain answers, this earnt her the chance for the rare position of Field Operative, a sort of squad dispatched to deal with non-combatitive affairs. Otherwise, she could be an Archivist, or maybe an Office Worker.

[Timewarp]

Why does everyone have cooler jobs then me? Even in fictional worlds I suck

[Haunter 360]

Dude, you're kidding right?
Archivists work in the M.D.P.S. Archives - A colossal labyrinth of stored and catalogued paranormal artifacts.
They keep an eye on (And frequently interact with) any of the following:

Legendary Swords
Cursed Tomes
Doomsday Weapons
Possessed Dolls
Sinister Mannequins
World-Eaters
The Enlightened
Demons
Petrified Vampires
Liquid Sonic Fossilised In Amber
Taxidermied Yetis
Traumatised Immortals
Trans-Dimensional Portals
Anything Which Comes Through Said Trans-Dimensional Portals
Other Stuff

It's like you're curator of a museum that, if you forget to lock up, DESTROYS THE WORLD. Not to mention you get free healthcare, free wireless broadband, mandatory self-defence training, and a group of buddies to watch movies or play video games with. And it pays good. Like, really really good.



I'll admit though, Security Maintenance Officer isn't exactly exciting. Still, you're more likely to survive an incursion than a Security Enforcement Officer like FM5, so that's nice. Sorry FM5, Enforcers are just generally the first to die when things go South. Lucky for us that there's no rag-tag bunch of quantunauts planning to break into the M.D.P.S. Headquarters any time soon...

[FlameMaster5]

Or are they? ;]
(Kidding)

Yeah, I'd be likely to go first.
I mean, I gotta protect people, so I guess I could die for something.

Though living for something would be preferable, too.

[CS Revolked]

Ooh. Interesting. These are my answers. Let's hope I get a good job.


1. B
2. B
3. B
4. B
5. B
6. A
7. B
8. A
9. B
10. A


I seem to like the letter B. 'Tis a good letter.

[Haunter 360]

Jul 5, 2014 11:36:55 GMT -5 CS Revolked said:

1. B
2. B
3. B
4. B
5. B
6. A
7. B
8. A
9. B
10. A

Interesting responses, now here I go!
Tallying...

Tallying...

Tallied!

Now, given your responses, I estimate that your best bet is Researcher, as you have the potential to make quite a lot of headway - Maybe even make it to assistant necromancer if you really keep your eye on the ball, since you've got the most suitable priorities. Kinda odd really, considering the way this story is panning out. Unfortunately, your particular priorities mean that you'd be ill-suited for the other jobs on the list, so really it's one of those everything or nothing situations.