Confessions in my Soul

[zigs]

I might be going.. For a long time.. I need to think things through, I don't mean: Go and think about what happened this week, because overall I have lost my faith in life, in religion and in me. I need to recover from my latest loss in the family, I need to remember what was wrong, and what was right. And most of all I need to find my brother... If I choose to come on, it will be to see how things are going, but I doubt I will post...

I am probably going to offend someone, and I am willing to let someone ban me but... Since I have been on this site, I have changed, I am not a Christian, I never was, but I chose to respect people's views and opinions. But I am... Part of three different religious groups that have torn my family apart since day one. I am Druid, from the circle of believers in the Sun God and Moon Goddess, I am Wiccan, I am a child of the Earth. I am also fractionally Satanic.. My family used to follow their beliefs... And I carry the mark.. I am sorry but I can no longer hide this fact, you people are so kind and welcoming, but I am not worthy enough for your gestures.

Along time ago I was shot just outside a church in America, for carrying the mark of "Satan". I was around the age of five. I have a branded mark on the back of my hand, displaying my families inheritated beliefs. I gained this on my father's side, who soon swapped to Wiccan after he found the sickest thing any human can do; his dad branded a large mark of Satan on my little brother's back. Since then we have moved alot, so our enemies can't try to kill us. My little brother was attacked in the changing rooms of his Primary School (elementary school) where he recieved a knife to his shoulder. He was targetted.

I however was thrown around, kicked about. I was attacked in P.E, I was placed in a coma after a bad game of Baseball. Then one day my mother was targetted for being a Druid, she has been bed ridden ever since. My family has been through Hell, and even if my ancestors were Satanists, I did not enjoy it. I have been tormented and back stabbed (literally). I do not ask for pity or forgiveness, but last week my brother was shot twice in the back. both missed vital organs, and other various vital parts, but he did under go serious surgery. I have prayed to God for forgiveness, I have asked for my families forgiveness... But last night he was moved to a hostal. And over in England, a hostal bed, is your death bed.

So you can delete this thread, and delete my account, but I want you to know, my beliefs are my beliefs, I do not believe in Sacrificing life, I do not purposely hurt people, I am against Violence, drugs, alcohol and making love before being married. I pray to God for the sins of my family, because even Satanist believe in God.

I want you to know me, and judge me now, then find out later... I am dreadfully sorry if I have disturbed anyone...

Ziggy

Blessed be...

[Deleted]

Zigs... It wasn't your fault, you are entitled to your own views. Please don't turn into 'him'... please? Would your Brother really want to wake up to you begging for forgiveness, when you haven't done anything wrong? No, he would tell you that you need to stop listening to people, and let them listen to you, and if they don't wanna listen, leave...

What happened was bad, I know, I was there, remember? Don't give up, you lived for a reason... Your family needs you..

Your my cousin, and I don't care if you are a full Satanist. Blood is thicker than beliefs and I will always believe that.

[Deleted]

zigs come on i knwo things are bad (well i do now) i knew you were parts of differnet religions becuas eyou told me once. Did i resnet you? No i did not. I am not offedned, but i wish you woudl undertsnad that jsut becuase there are some people liek that there are others like people on here htat won't reesnt yo for your beleifs or tyr to hamr you for them. i don't beleive any meber on this forum woudl do that. We will not delte this thread r o your account or at least i will not. Things may seem bad now, but they will imrove.

[zigs]

Forgive me Zeela... But I have decided to submit my life to the hands of Dabanem

[Deleted]

No you can't!!! Please don't!! Please!! It's gonna get better, we promise!! ZIGGY!!! Please! Don't, that will be the worst thing you will ever decide to do! please...?

[Deleted]

Ziggy if you do that i will come out to your house even if i have ot wlak and i will stop you. YOu do not deserve to die for your fmailies sins

[Haunter 360]

Zigs...


I have this message. I have been given it.
GOD FORGIVES YOU.
Whatever has happened in the past, it doesn't matter.
God forgives you.

It does not matter what signs you bear on the outside, it does not matter what you have done in your past.
God forgives you, for EVERYTHING.


Prayers are not always immediate.
Prayers are not always straight forward answers.


But GOD FORGIVES YOU.
No matter what.

[Deleted]

That is correct ahunter. you may be dperessed or suicidal. Yet it is mainly because you beleive you are unforgivable. God forgives all sins. I am dperessed becuase i am confused and i don't know how i feel about anything which is cuasing me to be dperessed.

[FlameMaster5]

Zigs...

There is no way for me to convince you that this is how I feel for you, but it is. It is...

Remember back to the day you registered. Remember the moment I gave you my personal welcoming. I must admit, I don't do that for every new member. For some odd reason, I was drawn to you and sub-consciously knew that you were important. It was feelings, Zigs, that I felt. I somehow knew that I was MEANT to contact you, that you were MEANT to receive a message from me. Something deep down...already knew who and what you were without actually knowing you yet. Yes, I suppose I foresaw this and knew I had to change it. So...here I am... :]

Now, I remember when you replied to me. I knew something wasn't right, that you had been hurt before or several times in life. So, without fear or anxiety, I told you my life story. Openly and without fear, you replied back with yours. Yes, you left out the info in your confessional message, but I didn't expect you to tell me everything. AND...I was ok with that. :]

Zigs, I am a Christian. Others around you and me here on TLCR are not all Christians though. In fact, there are several religions(or none at all) here on TLCR. And you know what? I don't mind at all. NOT ONE BIT. Why? Because I respect everyone for who and what they are and what they believe. TLCR is a haven for everyone, no judgementing here. You each have a right to your own beliefs, opinions and desires here. The only thing I want from you all is respect too. Yes, I want people to respect my beliefs, opinions and desires as well. There is no religion discrimination here; if there was, I wouldn't allow it! ;]

Now...you say you are a full Satanist. I'll be honest and say that such knowledge frightened me for a moment. But, as I kept reading, I knew you were still the same Zigs I met and welcomed. You're not different than what you were. And that's ok. You can have how ever many religions you want and I won't care. As long as you still remain WHO YOU ARE I don't care! As I have explained to some of my best friends here on TLCR: if you are a friend to me, I'll be a friend to you - doesn't matter what you've done, just treat me right.

And...as a friend, Zigs, I need you to answer me this. Why do you feel like you cannot be forgiven? Are we any more important or special than you? No. Do we deserve forgiveness just because we're not Satanists? 'Course not. Do we deserve happy lives and you don't? Not at all. Time for the big question... Do you deserve to die to gain forgiveness or to try and make things 'right'? I tell you NO!

Zigs, what I felt deep down for you is still the same as it was then. I KNOW you're important, I KNOW you're special. And I KNOW that you have a purpose here on this Earth, that you are loved and that you are forgiven by God. He who asks shall receive. And you have received that forgiveness, God has already forgiven you. The darkness still hangs over you though, doesn't it? I'll tell you why it has not faded. YOU HAVEN'T FORGIVEN YOURSELF.

God has answered and forgiven you, Zigs, now you must forgive yourself. You told us the truth, you said what you felt you needed to say. And we here on TLCR, though not telling us never harmed us in any way, have forgiven you as well. It's your turn now. You must forgive yourself. You also must forgive those who have persecuted you and your family. Though both sound easier said than done, it is your next trial. And...I'll try to help you reach the top of this tall mountain if you'll let me.

If you would like me to try and help you, Zigs, please let me know. I'll be there for you... *hugs gently*

No one wants you to die...
No one want you to leave...
Just hang on...

[Deleted]

merry meey zigs

i know wat its like being dicrimanated againsed for your religon being a witch people tent to see the sterio typacal vew...

dont let depression drag you down, that'l just lead to a spirell of depretion.
its discusting how nieve some people are, every religon (by law) has the rite to be respecits, Religisum is a crimanal offence. But look, going into depretion is playing right into there hands, if they torment you and the next day they see you happy there going to realise your tough and what there doing is futile, trust me.

and i live in england, and a hospatal bed is not a death bed, dont get your self down on that.

how about trying a martal art, i dont know what you look like so please dont take offence, but i know being short and unaible to fight (i am) does make you look vularable. i used to get picked to loads when i was a school, but half way through it i started karatie and lernd how to easly through someone to the ground, block attacks and stun, after i lernt a bit i was able to defend my self and eventualy people stopped picking on me.
but again i dont know your physacal aperance so please dont take offence if you do find it, im just thinking outloudly, basicly...

musen'yuukyou hatamata kairaku (i hope thats right)

[Deleted]

i think zigs knows martial arts, but it's not jsut pciking on it's proper trying to cause mortal wounds. People who cannot accpet others are not worht dealing with is what i say. I can accept anyoen even chavs and rednecks and them, but people who atatck you for your beliefs and what you had no choice ot do ar enot people they are scum. Like fm5 said this is a haven and we are all your friends.Your family such as zeela do nto wish you to hand yourslef over to dabanem and neither do any of us. We are all here for you.

[Deleted]

blaze said:

People who cannot accpet others are not worht dealing with is what i say. I can accept anyoen even chavs and rednecks and them, but people who atatck you for your beliefs and what you had no choice ot do ar enot people they are scum

very true, there the type who fight for imoral and rather stupid reasons, there just petty and ignorent and deserve the to feal the pain that they have caused others

[FlameMaster5]

No one deserves any pain, no matter who they are. People have persecuted Zigs, people have persecuted me, people have persecuted-...you can put any name at the end of that sentence and it will be true.

Despite that, though, we must all learn to accept that we'll be persecuted. No one here on TLCR would do any such thing, but others outside our haven could. We must teach ourselves to accept others, to love others and be at peace with others. If someone insists on hurting you physically or emotionally, you have the right to defend yourself. Yet, we should not attack out of anger. That only leads to hatred and that causes more and more conflicts. It can even cause wars between races, religions and...whatever else. We should just move on...

One thing to remember though: we must separate good people from bad, not by races or religion. America is at war with the Middle East. Some Americans hate all of the Iraqis and other races over there. Some, like me, do not hate everyone over there and realize there are innocent people there too. We realize that only SOME Iraqis or other members of different races are against us, and those individual eople are who we are against.

That's how we, as humans, should all be. If someone, no matter who or what they are, persecute you or try to harm you, you should only dislike that individual. We must realize that each person is different and not everyone will be against you. Yes, you'll have enemies, but you'll also have allies. :]

[Deleted]

i knwo what you mean fm5. i do and i agree

[zigs]

I have spoken to Lord Miyth, he is the current Cult leader of the Dabanem society... I am too young to die for honour, grace, forgiveness or peace. So I have to replenish my life by starting a new. But my family was deep in the beliefs and so if I say yes to this, I will have to go through what is known as Massacre of the Souls. Its going to be painful, and I know people may see me as stupid but I need to explain what it means to me...

If I pass this experience and answer correctly at the end, they will pay for my brother's reforming ceremony, and hospital debts. They will not mark any of our children if we decide to have any, I will be able to visit my sister and her children. I will be able to tell my brother about his twin sisters. In fact I will be able to find out all the hidden family secrets, the reasons my family fell apart. My mother will recieve the right medical treatment for her illness and get hydro theorapy (sp) for her legs.

I may have to sacrifice some of my health for it, but at the end, I believe my family will be better off... Then again I don't have to... And not sacrifice my health and hope everyone gets better... but... After all that has happened in my life has destroyed my hope... I need an answer of what to do...