Hey everyone, opinions please?

[CS Revolked]

I'm probably gonna end up regretting this, or someone's gonna get upset and not wanna be friends with me anymore/perceive me differently/hate my guts/ban me, but if I don't I'll hate myself for the rest of the whole time I live.

I'm in a bit of a sticky predicament, and I really need some guidance.

The question is: What do you do if there's someone you love who's so close to you but so far away, and you can never have them?

That's the question.

Because I know what I feel, and they're right in front of me. They're right there, but I can never get that urge, that spur of courage.
It scares me.
It just scares me that if I tell this person they'll hate me... and everyone around me will hate me.
I just don't wanna be hated anymore. I don't wanna set myself up and then have my whole world come crashing down.
I know you have to be prepared for that eventuality but I don't wanna. Partially because I know what'd happen.
It'd destroy me. It'd destroy me beyond any sort of repair.


So, if you were in my position, guys, what would you do?
How would you act? What would you say?

I'll take what everyone says into account and leave no-one out. As for Blaze. He already knows. I talked to him about it yesterday.

I just wanna know how I should proceed, before I make any mistakes that would not only change their life, but mine. Indefinitely.

[Timewarp]

I know what you mean and as hard as it is I'd say you need to tell them how you feel. I don't think everyone will hate you, I mean why would anyone hate you for loving another person. It's not excactly like it's a bad thing to find out someone loves you.

But really it depends on how much you know them. Are they a good friend of yours? If so then they won't hate you, if anything even if they don't feel the same way they'd be just as nervous about the whole situation as you do after all I'm sure they wouldn't want to lose you as a friend.

In the end, it may hurt you and yes you might feel like you've been broken beyond repair for a while but you'll come back from it and I think if you really loved this person then you might regret not saying anything. That being said I'd wait, just wait intill you know your sure. Really though I'm the worst person to ask, I'm not excactly the romantic type but I'd say it never hurts to find out, it's never knowing what might have been that will hurt the most.

[Tymki]

Just take a deep breath, count to three, and come clear. Make sure he's alone though, because in front of his friends would be a little embarrassing. Also, make sure you lead up gradually. Say something like 'I've been thinking about this for a long time now, and I completely and totally understand if you don't feel the same way but I've got to come clear...' and then say it. There's no way anyone could hate you just because you say your true feelings. The worst that happens is that he says he doesn't feel the same way, in which case at least you've tried. You pick yourself back up and move on. Don't put it off or else you'll never know.

Well, that's what my advice is.

[CS Revolked]

I... I'll try and keep that all in mnd.

Some good advice guys. Just waiting for some other people's advice before I go ahead with anything.

In fact, there's one persons advice that I really wanna hear.

But I'm gonna wait. Watch things. Do some surveyance. If anything comes my way, it'll have to happen ><
I'm letting myself in for a load of awkwardness.

But, thanks again guys. I mean it.

[FlameMaster5]

Did you miss me? ^^
(Silly question, I know you all did! :3)


Advice time!


I have to agree completely with both TW and Tymki for starters, but I have my own spin on this as well. Let me just start with this.

If this person is your friend, how close are you two? It definitely matters when you approach them to tell them your feelings. You want to be good friends before you ever consider stepping up to tell them--you can't have a firm foundation for a relationship without first being close. PERIOD.

Now, if you feel that you are, then yes, I think you should tell them. You owe it to yourself and to them to confess your feelings. And in the end, even if you are rejected, what really have you lost? Nothing. You know what people regret most at the end of their lives?
The times they never even tried...

So, calm yourself as best you can, approach them alone, and just tell them how you feel. And, chances are, they will be completely shocked by your courage and your honesty. Even if you don't form a relationship, trust me, they will remember the fact that you were bold enough to say something. ^^

And, yeah...
If this is [manly man] we're talking about... :3


I just gotta say, I already made my feelings known to my best guy friend, too, and he didn't say "no". He didn't say "yes", but he didn't say "no", either. You may find as I did that men are shy, too! XD
(It is kinda cute. ^^)

[CS Revolked]

Alright. I want everyone to read this, regardless of who you are or what you are. No matter what your life history, or whatever. Read this. No exceptions.
----------------


Everyone. I've briefly come back to state my extreme apologies.
I never meant to include anyone in my spiral of torment, and despair.
I simply needed help, desperately needed it as I clawed on to any sense of reality, and you guys were the only people I had.

This whole thing, that's happening here now, started a year ago. It is only in the past week, past month, that it has changed. It changed from a blossoming friendship, dripping with ideas of parallelism, to a vile, putrid flower that simply gives no respite.
I have tried to cull the creeping feeling. I have tried to destroy its roots that have paralysed my brain, yet it infects, injecting disgusting ideas into my mind, awake or asleep, it cares not. It convinces me of the possibility of all these fantasies coming true, then, in its callous hate, tells me no. It will never happen. You're wasting your time falling for this human. They'll never reciprocate. Give up. Before you get hurt... beyond repair.
Yet I still spur on in my misguided affection.

I made a terrible mistake one night, a few days ago.
I decided enough was enough.
Even if my affection was misguided. Even if it would not be given back, it wouldn't be on them; the recipient of this unwavering love.
To answer the questions you included in all of your advice to me:
Yes. They are scarily close to me.
They mean more to me than my life does.
I would gladly, abruptly, sacrifice my whole entire being for thei unbridled prosperity.
I would kneel down in the wallowing mud and endure all harsh torture for them.
An exaggeration, you say? It is not.
Merely an accurate account of my unbending will for them.

When I love, there is no mistaking it.
I put my heart and soul into it, and regrettably, I never expect anything back.

Indirectly, I told them.
Then, after all was analysed I pressed that sole life-changing button. An immediate regret.
How could I stop it now?
It was inevitable that I would suffer for my thoughtless action.
I consulted Blaze, and in inaccurate quote, "Delete it in the outbox."
Frantic, desperate. I looked at it with solemn regretting eyes and pressed delete.
My trouble was gone, yet a pin prick of doubt kept telling me that it would still reach them. I blunted the pin and decided to discard it.

Then, in more unreleting doubt I consult my friends in this very thread.
I stay indirect but display my innermost thoughts.
I received my first reply and read, this was all whilst doing oter things with my free time.
Timewarp gave me interesting advice and calmed me. But all in all there was one response I was truly waiting for.
It would decide my fate. My inevitable, destructive fate.
Tymki's advice, I smiled, the way she spoke, the way she assumed so easily. It sparked an interest in me and confirmed my thoughts, her expectations were clear to me.
I reply. I thank.

When the response message to my personal message came on on the screen in that small, yet deadly window, my breath dared to falter.
It had been received.
Dare I open it and receive the rejection of a lifetime?
I decided to be brave and open it.
Through one tentative reading I end up smiling, the same expression as I had read Tymki's.
I had managed to steer clear.
Yet in this avoidance, misunderstanding came.
Granted, I tried to be as indirect as possible with the primary letter.
Frustration and anger were my first and only emotions.
How simple could it be?!
How hard was it to interpret?!
In my anger I rebuked.
They said they understood but no.
They didn't.

I then realised that I had to leave.
I had to go before I destroyed my friendship.
I said this to them, and spoke it too in Just Chat 3.
It is onky now that I have decided to fully atone for all I have done.

By now, they know who they are.
They now know the truth.
I realise I should've been infinitely more direct in the first place.

All I ask is that nothing changes.
I want no hate from what I have... confessed.
I merely believed that everyone, especially you, you know who you are, deserved to know the catalysts, the triggers, everything.
I am eternally sorry.
This position, I understand, is awkward for us both.
I will welcome whatever response. Especially the negative.
But I implore that you read this, and underatand this story, read it several times if you have to, before you confront me and unleash your damnation upon my soul.


Thank you,

Amy. L. Harnett (CS Revolked)

[Deleted]

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but STOP APOLOGISING FOR EVERYTHING!

If its how you feel then its how you feel. You can't change that and its not your fault. So why apologise? There is no need. The feelings are not a vile, putrid flower and the thoughts are not disgusting. They are normal. So cheer up.

I apologise for my misappropriate response that if it was deleted in the outbox it would not reach them....it seems proboards does not work in the same as some other sites. It was an honest mistake.

[Timewarp]

I think I have a very good idea of who it was in which case if it helps you then it would be very awkard for this person. You don't have to apoligish.

[CS Revolked]

Alright, here goes.

Ahem.

Before I start, I would like to express my apologies to everyone else on the forum including the guests, for this will probably leave you with second thoughts about my character.

However, on a topic this sensitive, and this awkward, it has to be said.


Let's have a cracker.





Just who the hell do you think you are?
You have absolutely no fucking idea, do you?
You think this is right?
You think I'm not suffering enough?
This whole thing is bad enough without you waltzing in and making your opinions known.

Ok, I wasn't saying you were wrong for your suggestion, in fact, one was better than none!
And yet you obviously have no idea of everything I was saying in that poured-over message.

What I feel IS wrong!
I. Love. Bree.
There! I said it.
Many would say that's fine.
Many would say that this is Satan talking.
Unfortunately, in this situation, we're talking the latter.

Before I even confessed I knew what would happen.
Bree's a Christian, duh!
And that fact ripped me.
Because we all know the Christian attitudes to any sort of homosexuality!
Burnnnnnn!
Therefore, Blazeykins, it. is. wrong.

IT CAN'T EVER HAPPEN!

The man upstairs is laughing at me with his chorus of angels beside him!

This is one of the hardest challenges in my entire lifetime.
Because I knew the answer before I had even started.
Imagine that, huh?
Sucks. It fucking sucks dick.


Before you speak on a topic this sensitive, Blaze, think.
Just think.
I say sorry a lot, so fucking what?
I feel like my life is one big fucking atonement, so there ya go!

I must look like a right dick, huh?

Well, at least I apologised. I did it because I knew that Bree would be going through so much turmoil.
I don't want my feelings to cause that!
I want her to smile, and be happy!
I want that for all my friends. That's my ultimate wish...

What you said wasn't just "harsh".
It was downright insensitive.
And I don't care if you say, "but sometimes I have to be harsh to get through to you"
because YOU DON'T!

If you wanna slate me Blazeykins, if you wanna tell everyone how wrong I am for thinking about other people before myself, then DO IT.

Go ahead. Go on.

I mean, obviously against the rules to think about other people involved, oh wait, therefore, if I'm BREAKING the rules. I should be banned.
There ya go, I did the maths for ya, aren't I nice?


Oh wait.
Niceness = thinking about others = against the rules.

Oh gosh darn it, I broke the rules again.
Welp. I guess that's a perma ban! And - 10000000000 karma.
Oh my, I'm so bad.

On that note. Whilst I'm relatively subdued I think I'll quit whilst I'm behind.










Again, sorry it had to come to this, but when my emotions/feelings are attacked, there cannot be forgiveness.

[Timewarp]

Wow. I did not see that coming, really I didn't. I think it's best we pretend this never happened I mean Blaze that was a little harsh considering the circumstances then again CS how was he suppose to know that it was FM5 you were talking about.

I think we need to calm down a little though, persernally I'm a christian and I've always found the view on homosexuality to be extremely ignorant that for a religion that preaches loving one another and having respect for your fellow man (and women) that there are select people god appreantly hates.

Blaze isn't attacking your feelings or your emotions. My guess is he's just tired of seeing you attack yourself, granted tough love wasn't really the best tactic but he's right you do blame yourself a lot even for things that are beyond your control. Sometimes I don't know it seems like you give yourself a lot less credit and I know because I do the same.

If it makes you feel any better, I know what your going through with FM5. I've been through something similar. I wouldn't want you to quit or be banned over this and at the same time I'm not sure if perhaps you are what you say you are but or if your just confused (it wouldn't be a bad thing) but this dosen't change my opinion about you at all.

I'm not sure whether to delete your post or not. I mean you got mad, you swore a lot but it happens and honestly I'm sure blaze will understand.

[CS Revolked]

Sept 24, 2011 18:49:29 GMT -5 Timewarp said:

Wow. I did not see that coming, really I didn't. I think it's best we pretend this never happened I mean Blaze that was a little harsh considering the circumstances then again CS how was he suppose to know that it was FM5 you were talking about.

I think we need to calm down a little though, persernally I'm a christian and I've always found the view on homosexuality to be extremely ignorant that for a religion that preaches loving one another and having respect for your fellow man (and women) that there are select people god appreantly hates.

Blaze isn't attacking your feelings or your emotions. My guess is he's just tired of seeing you attack yourself, granted tough love wasn't really the best tactic but he's right you do blame yourself a lot even for things that are beyond your control. Sometimes I don't know it seems like you give yourself a lot less credit and I know because I do the same.

If it makes you feel any better, I know what your going through with FM5. I've been through something similar. I wouldn't want you to quit or be banned over this and at the same time I'm not sure if perhaps you are what you say you are but or if your just confused (it wouldn't be a bad thing) but this dosen't change my opinion about you at all.

I'm not sure whether to delete your post or not. I mean you got mad, you swore a lot but it happens and honestly I'm sure blaze will understand.

No, we will pretend this happened. Blaze did something that people should never do to me; he attacked my core.

Core Operational Release Energiser

My core holds several things. You attack these things, you are attacking my core. My core is the things that sustain my living. Without them, I wouldn't live.


Love
Emotions
Feelings
Creations
Imagination


Oh and just to hit the nail on the head. Blaze does know that I was talking about Bree, before I wrote out this whole thread I confessed to him.
So before he wrote his response he did know who I was talking about.

No, we don't need to calm down. I have a right to be mad because Blaze attacked me in the worst place possible. He attacked my heart; my core, therefore I cannot give forgiveness.

You may be more lenient, but Bree is as strict as a 50's school teacher.
To her, this is wrong. It is unheard of. It is unspeakable.
It cannot happen.
However, I admitted it because I felt it was right. It wouldn't be fair to carry on in silence with these rifts daring to tear us apart.

Blaze was attacking how I say sorry a lot, therefore he is attacking my personality and how I act, therefore he was attacking my feelings and emotions.
Sorry to split hairs, but you really think I'm gonna let Blaze get away with this, sorely mistaken, TW.

I don't want to quit or be banned over this either, but if FM5 comes in and says that I acted inappropriately, and bans me, so be it. I'll accept her judgement.
Besides, maybe her doing that will help me fall out of love with her. This whole love thing is stupid anyway, it's caused more trouble than it's worth.
Then again, everyone I fall in love with are more trouble than they're worth.
Except Bree. ^^ She's worth all the trouble in the world.

As for who I am. I'm straight... mostly. I just find myself confused and looking at other people.

You delete my post, you're deleting one half of the story, simple as.

Will Blaze understand? That's that question on both of our lips.

Hehe, but aren't you just a little excited about Bree's reaction to it will.

I wanna know if SHE'LL understand.

[Deleted]

I wasn't attacking you. I was just saying, perhaps in a rather harsher manner then intended, that there is no need to apologise for stuff that isn't under your control. People do it all the time. Blame themselves for things they can't help or didn't do.

ANd no what you feel is not wrong. Love is a pure emotion and it can never truly be wrong. Unrequited love is perhaps the most pure kind of all and you can't help feeling what your feeling so why apologise? If you had insulted someone and they didn't deserve it then apologise, if you beat someone up and regretted it apologise. Never apologise for how you feel because THAT is who you are. Our feelings are more then just feelings. How we feel towards others and even objects and shows defines who we are.

ANd no not all Christian's are against homosexuality. Albeit they were originally, but even the church is becoming more open to it. Fm5 would respect the viewpoint that I know because she doesn't judge people for who they are even if she is Christian. And i don't think you confessing your feelings would cause her turmoil. Want to know why CS?

Because several years ago I confessed the same thing. I thought i was truly in love with Bree. She was beautiful, kind, intelligent. Everything I could ever want in a partner and from how she reacted when I told her...I don't think it caused her any turmoil.

You feel your life is a big atonement? For what? Being who you are? Doing nothing wrong?

If in truth you believe that doing nothing wrong and being yourself requires atonement and if THAT is the truth then book me on a first class ride all the way down to Hell. Assuming of course that you believe in it, which I personally do not.

Sorry if i'm harsh. Sorry if i seem like a right d*ck, but I won't apologise for saying what I think is right and for being who I am.

[CS Revolked]

Yeah, but you're a GUY!

I'm a girl!

It's infinitely more awkward when you're the same sex as the person you love.

Maybe what I feel isn't wrong.

But when you imagine so many things, and then you think about WHO you are thinking about, it changes everything.

I'll admit. Maybe I did overreact a little bit.

And I can control what I feel, I can!

It's not deterministic at all.

I'm apologising for letting my feelings get to this level. I know that it'll never happen, yet I let myself indulge in this idea that somehow Bree would understand! She would feel the same way, but she won't.
It's impossible.

I don't want you to change, that's you, but...

I don't even know anymore.

[Timewarp]

Don't worry CS I won't delete it if you feel it should remain there. I only asked as I wanted to be sure of it before going ahead and making the wrong choice. I know right now you hate blaze and you think he may have said the things he's said to lead you down the wrong path but he's never been that kind of person and you know that.

I don't mean to be rude or to imply that neither one of you has any right to be angry at the other but I'm just worried that you'll eventually calm down and that by then it'll be too late, trust me I am the best example of this. Do you know how many times I've done something in anger in instantly regretted it? You feel stupid, annoyed with yourself. You have times when you look back and think "Wow that was really dumb, if only I could go back and slap myself round the face for doing that" and I don't want that to happen to you because it's a bad feeling,

I don't want you to leave, your a good friend and I certainly don't want you to change. We all have things about ourselfes that is bad, I have a short temper, I say things that come across as rude, I take things out of context. Yeah you have your bad aspects of yourself, I'm not going to lie but it's having those bad aspects of your persernality that make the good qualties noticeable. Yin, Yang. There's no good without evil, after all how would you notice the good if there was no evil to counteract it.

Let me tell you, your persernality is not one of those bad aspects. I've always respected you greatly for that, it's one of the reasons I consider you a good friend of mine. Your a nice person, your an amazing person, you always respect people, you stand up for what you believe in even if that means going against the status quo or going against what your friends believe in and I hate that you blame yourself constantly because if you could only see what an amazing person you are then you'd understand that you have nothing to be sorry for.

[CS Revolked]

I'm not gonna leave.

I just...

When FM5 sees this she's gonna scream...

She won't see me as CS Revolked.

She won't see me in a positive light.

She'll hate me for the trouble I've caused.

MY FEELINGS have caused this...

Had I not been so stupid... this all wouldn't have happened.

I can't help but say sorry... she's going through so much... and I just create more trouble for her.

I'm not a friend, I'm a rabble-rouser. I just create trouble.

I don't care what you guys say but having Bree hate me is the worst thing that could happen in my life.
I never wanted to cause any of this...

It's not anyone's fault but my own, and I deserve every single ramification I get.