A Tale of Adventure

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wow!awesome detail of the fight!i really like it!

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Act V
Crokea Bog,Journey to the Dwarf City Begins

When they entered the Forest they tried to find their way back to the Crossroads,
"Oh man I dont remember the way to the village, everything looks the same." exclaimed Ray
"Maybe we should go that way near the big tree, with the sign that says "Right to Kimato
Village." replied Jake, " I hate it when you do that...." When they arrived in the City
they started towards the Forest Pub where they saw Sage Malkor sitting in a small chair
sipping tea. "Sage MalkoR! Guardian Strife Blade!, Look what happend to my blade!" said Ray.
"What, the Guardian Strife Blade broken? Well, thats a strange and unfortunate predicament." replied
the Sage, "Do you know how we can fix it?" asked Ray Sage Malkor got up and started to think
"hmmm", "no,no","AH HA I know how we can fix your blade! It wont be an easy journey though."
"How? and what do you mean by 'Journey'?" asked Ray "We have to journey to 'Dorbia, City
of the Dwarves'. In order to get there though we have to go through the Crokea Bog.."
"Well then lets go its just a gloopy swamp." said Ray, "Its not that easy Ray, I've heard
nasty stories of that place and since Dark Portals are opening up all over the world I dont
think it would be such a great idea."replied Jake "Aw, come on lets just go you still have
your sword and we've got Sage Malkor on our side!" They stood arguing about if their going
or, if they arent going. "We're going", "so its settled", "it would seem so." "Alright
lets head to Crokea Bog." said Ray with excitement. So they where off to the Crokea Bog
little did Ray know about what Dark secrets lie in the "Crokea Bog."

Chapter 3

Act l
Through the Crokea Bog

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kool

[FlameMaster5]

Hey, DI56! Lol, or should I say Ray? ;]

I read all of what you got so far. I think it's pretty good. In fact, I find it really funny. The dialogue of your characters truly suites their age too. :]

I will agree with Blaze that detail of battles is needed. Also, you may want to include more scenery, character expression and character thought detail too. Once you've incorporated some of those details, your story will improve greatly. It's really good right now, but there is always ways to make it truly brillant. Just some tips that I had to pick up too. ^_^

I'll try to come by more often and read more. ;]

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Alright I'll start making changes, thanks guys I always love to get people's opion on things, it really means alot.

[FlameMaster5]

Best way to improve is by listening to suggestions, DI56. You've taken a big step already. Congratulations! ^_^ I'll try to stop by again shortly. *hugs*

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Here it is The Journey through Crokea Bog.
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Act l
Journey Through the Crokea Bog
The Crokea Bog was a dark and dangerous place, from Dark Beings to Mossy Trees that surround you. "Hey Guys....You know how we decided on coming here.." said Ray "Yea" replied Jake, Suddenly they heard a ghostly whail from the water. "Yea can we rethink this cant we go around it or something?" asked Ray, "No, there is no other way through this forsaken bog." replied Sage Malkor. As they progressed through the moss, mud, and bog they heard creepy moaning and footsteps behind them. "You know I dont have my sword with me and I dont really have much experience when it comes to magic, yet." said Ray, they just stared at Ray like he was just a babbling idiot. "Eww I got mud on my boots!" said Jake, "Well, it is a swamp" said Sage Malkor. *OoOoOoO* they heard a strange moaning yet again, "OK! Im officially freaked out now!!" yelled Ray, "Um....Ray....Dont turn around." replied Jake, "Why?" *OoOoOoO* there was a large specter floating above Ray. Its long drape ran down its body like a large one thousand year old cloak, its breath was foul. "DARK BEING!!" yelled Jake. "Run! Run for your lives!!" yelled Ray, Suddenly it shot a bolt of what seemed to be a flash of purple lightning while hissing "Garock Ne." "Look out!! Blevarios!" Sage Malkor shot a beam of white light out of the tip of his staff and the two blasts collided into eachother with a crash. "Hurry Jake summon your blade!" exclaimed Malkor, "Oh, Right! Scorvious Blade!!" Jake summoned a large,tall, and skinny blade. "Hurry! Ray, you and Jake run behind the phantom and use a light spell on it, the one I taught you two!" They quickly dashed behind the Dark Being and spoke the words of light, "Blevarious!" The specter dissapated into a dark fog and scattered itself along the ground, deafeated. "Well, just a little bit farther." said Sage Malkor, " A little bit farther! Thats all you can say after we nearly got killed!" exclaimed Ray. "Indeed." laughed the Sage.

Act 11
Almost There, The Doors to Dorbia

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;)whoa, that was amazing SH75! i like the detail of the fights and the humor was good too. keep it up!!

[Deleted]

Here it is the continuation of AToA
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Act 11
Almost There, The Doors to Dorbia
Still walking through this evil bog, they start to get hungry. "Jake, you have anything to eat?" said Ray, "Nope, just eat my last elven berry back in the Kimato Forest." replied Jake. Looking around at their surroundings they see green mushy water and trees that seem to stare at you as you pass them, they stumble upon a tree with very large leaves. "I know this tree, its a Boroke Tree." said Sage Malkor, "a tree that has very sweet fruit that is hidden by its large leaves." "You mean to tell me that there is a fruit that sounds really good in THIS PLACE?! exclaimed Ray. "Hey, this stuff isn't half bad Ray try it." Ray takes a cautious bite into the fruit, "Hmmm....This fruit...is.." Suddenly Ray's face turned pale. "Its...delicious! Hurry pack more for the rode!" said Ray "You know Ray, In the fourteen years I have known you...I have never thought you were so crazy." said Jake with a laugh. "Alright come on you to were almost there." replied the Sage and tehy were off again. "See that dust cloud over that hill?" said the Sage, "Thats the Dust Cloud of Dorbia, its said that its been there for over a thousand years. You know what that means? Dorbias not that far ahead." "Finally!" Then all of a sudden a dark cloud of smoke rose out of the ground, "Hahahahaha", "What was that Ray" asked Jake, "Xedris...." "My, my you already memorized the sound of my laugh. Hmm I'm impressed but not here to fight. You may choose to believe me or not but, an Army of Darkness is getting ready for a War against Zenzaris." said Xedris "Thanks for the heads up but, I dont believe you Xedris! Now get out off our way or.." "Or what you'll bring out the Guardian Strife Blade? Didnt it brake when we last fought?" "None of your buisness, In fact were on our way to get it fixed." replied Ray, "You just told him it was none of his buisness...." said Jake "Well, I see that you two arent experienced enough to fight a Dark Army let alone me so, I'm going to let you go ahead." said Xedris "Oooo just wait till I get my hands on you Xedris! When I get my blade back to its original state I'll make you eat those words." said Ray sternly. "Well, I'll See you wimps later..." and Xedris dissapeared into a dark fog to reveal, Dorbia the City of the Dwarves. "Yes now I get my blade fixed!" yelled Ray.

Act 111
Hang on its going to be a bit rocky, The Master Smithsman

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Hey people! Here is Act 3 of Chap 3.
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Act 111
Hang on its going to be a bit rocky, The Master Smithsman

"Um..Ray..its not just knock,knock and enter the City.." said Sage Malkor, "What?
aw man you got me all excited."replied Ray "How do we get in Sage Malkor?" asked Jake, "Well, we can get in like your fa--" Sage Malkor paused. "My fa?" questioned Ray
"Never mind that, the way that you get in the city is by hyjacking a Minecart."
"COOL!!" yelled Ray and Jake. As they walked towards the rocky city it seemed as if they had been walking for days but when they arrived they saw many minecarts speeding past them. The tall Mountains looked as if they touched the atmosphere. "So...uhhh how do we like...do this?" asked Ray, "Well, when a minecart speeds past us we jump into one." replied Sage Malkor. *Whoosh* by the time they had said that three had already pasted by them. "I have an idea on the count of three we jump!" yelled Ray, "But...Ray," "3...2...1..." "WAIT!" screamed Jake "GO!" Ray pushed them onto the tracks and they suddenly dissapeared, "Ha just as I suspected..Dwarf Magic..Magic minecart transportation." exclaimed Ray. "How...how did you?" asked Jake. "Dude...Im cherishing the moment, you just experienced a once in a lifetime idea." replied Ray. As they look around they see many minecarts going by on what seemed infinite tracks, it was dark until they came to a light. Once through the opening they saw what looked like another world inside the mountains, there were stalagmites as tall as the clocktower back in Zenzaris (Thats big), and rocks as big as a giants stomach. Then when they look down they spy tons of little people, not one of them were not wielding a pickaxe in hand, and there were many little houses carved into the walls of the mountains. They could barely hear from the sounds of pickaxes hitting rocks and Earthen spells being chanted to help with the rock flow. "Dwarven earth magic is one of the most powerful earth magic in all of Zenzaris." said Sage Malkor. "If you're lucky maybe the dwarves will teach you some earth magic while you're here, but we dont have time for that we must get the Guardian Strife Blade repaired I have already heard that a Dark Portal just opened right outside of Melovor." exclaimed Sage Malkor. "Melovor? isn't that the Royal City? Where it is said that there are sounds of a thousand merchants out on the streets?" asked Jake. "Yes, it seems someone was listening back at the school in our village.." Sage Malkor looked to Ray. "Hey! I only listen to the important stuff like Magic and Knights." replied Ray. As they talked about the many laughs and adventures they had back in the village they finally arrived to a small house that looked like a giant rock made into a house. "We're here boys Tekaram's house." said Sage Malkor. "Tekaram?" asked Ray and Jake. "Whos Tekaram?!"

Act IV
The Guardian Strife Blade is back; Training with
the Dwarves begins

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hey that was awesome. i really like it! pleez continue

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Heres where they left off
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Act IV
The Guardian Strife Blade is back; Training with
the Dwarves begins

They finally arrived at Tekaram's House, a small dwarf with a long copper beard, wearing dirty work clothes. His house looked like a rock carved into a house, it had no carpeting, many books on the history of dwarves, and pickaxes on the wall, it was a comfortable house if you were a Dwarf. "Hello? Tekaram are you home old friend?" asked Sage Malkor, "Well, this is....nice" said Ray, suddenly a small figure sat up out of a wooden small chair. "Well, its been a long time since I've talked to you Malkor" said the little person, "Ah yes it has." replied the Sage. "Is that? The...Guardian Strife Blade??" he asked again, "You bet it is!" exclaimed Ray, "So your the one who is going to tutor us?" asked Jake, "So quick to get to the point, yes I'am but first lets eat" replied the Dwarf, and so they did. "Wow...I never want to hear the word food again." said Jake, "well, lets get started" said Tekaram, "But, our food hasn't settled yet, you think I can use Magic when Im so full it hurts?!" exclaimed Ray "Shhh you dont want to anger him." whispered Jake. "Yes! Now come out back with me." yelled the Dwarf when they arrived outside the house they saw many stalagmites and rocks that could only be moved by magic. "Ok, you there one with the Scorvious Blade you look like you could be able to use one of my favorites Terra Eblis, it summons for a large stalagmite and forms a diamond shape then shoots a Dragon made of earth towards your opponent, it may take sometime to master but, you will love using it." said the Dwarf "Sweet let me try, TERRA EBLIS! a crack formed in front of Jake then it moved forward forming the diamond shape but didnt continue." "You boy with the legendary blade, you shall use the spell Terra Cortix, it is where you levitate rocks and clean them to make vambraces of Obsidian to shoot a chain of obsidian towards your opponent, they also provide excellant protection." said Tekaram. "Hmm cool let me try it." replied Ray. Ray jumped up into the air while spinning, TERRA CORTIX! Suddenly rocks flew up towards him and formed vambraces, 'NOW!' chains of Obsidian spun around Ray and shot towards a bouldor, it quickly picked it up and blasted it to the ground. "Haha o yea!" yelled Ray, "Hmmm...they have come a long way...." Said Malkor. "Hey come on we will continue in the morning. said Tekaram tirely.

Act V
The attack of The Dark Ones

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awesome. the little dwarf is soo kool!

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DId you know that the spells "Exor Inuzuma" and "Mizu Tai" are actually Japenese. "Inuzuma" means Lightning and Mizu means "Water."

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Act V
The attack of The Dark Ones

"Its five am Ray, go back to sleep."said Jake, "But I wanna train and learn more techniques."moaned Ray. It was dark the only light was the candles on the rock shelves. "Everyone get up!"yelled Tekaram, "WOAH WOAH WOAH!" Ray fell of the bed,"HAHAHAHAAH" laughed Jake. "This is no time for jokes theres a Rock Golem attacking in the west part of the mountain. "What?! This early."groaned Ray, "Get up!","Ok Ok Im up!" They quickly grabbed their blades and headed towards the golem. All the ycould here was the crashing of rocks and yelling. "There look Ray!" exclaimed Jake, The Golem was huge it looked as if rocks just got up and created it. "Exor Inazuma!" Ray shot a bolt of lightning from his fingertips, "Did I get it?" asked Ray,
"No, and where did you learn that?" replied Jake, "I uhh...was looking through Sage Malkor's scrolls...", "Whatever just do it again! TERRA EBLIS!" as Jake said that the spell worked, a large stalagmite shot towards the golem and struck it. "IT WORKED! Yes!" The spell was so strong it knocked of one of the arms, "RAAAAAA!!" the golem let out a large cry and slammed down on the ground blasting tons of bouldours towards us. "RED TEMPEST!" The Guardian Strife Blade glowed with red energy, when placed low to the ground even the earth cracked below it. "Wow....I havent seen this technique since....."said Sage Malkor. "HAAAAA!!" Ray slammed down into the beast and blasted it into rubble. "Whooh, Ray you rock." said Ray "Hurry Jake freeze it so it doesn't revive itself." exclaimed Malkor. Rising above the rubble Jake jumped up onto higher ground and said "Mizu Tai!" Jake shot blasts of Ice towards the rubble forming icicles and freezing the rubble. "Yea!" "Wooh" the Dwarves were cheering for us it felt so great.
"Tekaram, we are leaving, we have only been here one night and the kids almost got themselves killed." said Sage Malkor "If it is wat you wish Malkor I wont hold you back." replied Tekaram "Boys come on go pack we are leaving.", "Huh? K", "WHere will you go?" asked Tekaram "I have received word from Melovor, also from...my son. We will leave at once." While Jake and Ray were getting packed Sage Malkor was getting ready to see his son again. "So...Sage Malkor you never told us you had a son." "O yes sorry you see his name is Malkor also but, see theres a...thing....Im kinda embaressed about...he is...powerful..maybe even, stronger than me...if we find him, you will be taking lessons from him." said Sage Malkor

Chapter 4

Act 1
Melovor awaits

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awesome. just like the real fight w/ ur bro, lol